Two jokes

Two brothers were arguing. One went: "You're an idiot!"

The other went: "Your brother's a mother!"

He replied: "Yeah, I know. Thanks for agreeing with me."

Louis' IQ is like his running; always two points below average.

Why did two red heads fall off the plane? Because they were so damn blind.

Two cows are standing in a field.

Cow 1: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease?

Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.

An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.

It's quite obvious to each of the three men where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you, do you? This is my seat, after all."

The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! After all, Pakistanis and Indians are brothers! Are we not?"

The Indian is delighted at how warm and friendly they are, and he takes his seat. Shortly the plane takes off and the three guys are just chilling until the Indian says, "You know it's going to be a long ride and I am getting thirsty. Brothers, can I get any of you like a drink?" Then one of them says, "Yes brother, I would like a Coke!"

The Indian slips off his shoes and walks barefoot to where the stewardess is at, and when the Indian is out of view, one of the Pakistanis spits into his shoe. The Indian comes back and gives him a Coke.

Then the other Pakistani says, "You know what brother? I would also like a Coke too!" The Indian happily obliges, and as soon as he is out of view, he also spits in his shoe before the Indian gives him a Coke.

Finally, the Indian slips on his shoes and suddenly realizes how wet they are. He shakes his head and says, "Brothers! Why must we do this to each other, spitting in each other's shoes and peeing in each other's Cokes?"

Girl: Can we visit Grandma this weekend?

Mother: Sure.

Five-year-old: Look mommy! Two people and they're wearing rope necklaces!

A boy asked his dad for some money to buy an ice cream with, so he went to an ice cream van. Whilst he was in the queue, two boys asked him what flavor he was getting. He told them "strawberry." The two boys were shocked and beat him up. The ice cream man felt bad and gave him his strawberry ice cream for free.

When he got home, his dad also asked what flavor he bought. The boy said "strawberry." His dad then kicked him out of the house. The boy, confused, walked down the street and was stopped by the police, who were looking for a boy who had been eating strawberry ice cream. The boy said, "That's me," and the policeman arrested him.

A week later in court, the boy was on trial. The judge asked, "Can you tell me what were you doing on the fifth of May?" (the day he was arrested) The boy said, "I was eating ice cream." The judge decided he was innocent. On the way out, the judge asked him what the flavor was (he had forgotten to ask during the trial). Of course, he answered with "strawberry." The judge, horrified, realized he had given the wrong verdict and the boy should have been executed. Unfortunately, he couldn't change what had happened, so the boy walked out and crossed the road but was hit by a car and died.

The moral of the story is look left and right before crossing the road.

The kid that died is cut in half, and you see the next trap. It looks like a giant pit that you have to jump over, and you clear it, but you feel something on your back, and you realize that there is a spike that comes up when you jump over. You see the other contestant jump over. You try to warn them to not step over because they would get stabbed, but they ignore you and then get hit by the spike. The next obstacle is a wall that slams on a wall. You wait until the wall closes, and you quickly run through. The next person runs through, and they get to live.

Sorry, this is small. This is also a part two.

IX + X = XXI. So XXI is two legions into one.

My wife and I were at the park with our little princess today.

We decided to go back home, then some jerk had the nerve to shout, "Stop those two! They have my daughter!"

Two people were on a boat. They were afloat on water!

Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.

The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."

What has two tires and no engine? A magic house 🏡

Yo mama's so fat that when Legolas killed her, Gimli counted her for two.

You were born so fat they needed two cranes to carry you.

If you buy two condoms, but you're banging a woman, it's fine, don't throw it away, just make her transgender.

I dunno man, worked for me.

Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?

Because they already lost two towers!

People who are annoying. There are two of them.

1. Capet.

2. Akeld.

The winner is "Akeld," although Jordan Calerendiá comes in with a tie. Yah! Not really!

A man gave me 1 dollar that was ripped and laughed away. I wonder why he did that.

He did that on purpose to trick me, then I met him in the threes.

Why did England beat Germany in World War Two?

Scissors beat paper.