Two jokes

Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump’s wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him.

The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn’t really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump’s friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump’s friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, “Aww, I’m lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!”

Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"

So two guys walk into a bar. One says, "Can I have something to drink?"

The other says, "You wish!" LOLOLOLOLOLOLO dab on the haters - Jake Paul wreeeeecckkked.................... DABDABDABDBABABDBABDBABDBABDBDABDBsabBaDBAD,,,,,,,,,,five fo e the winners. KILL MATPAT, THE EARTH IS FLAT AND A DONUT

Why did 1 eat 2?

'Cause he was hungry.

People named Aaron are annoying. Why have two A’s when you can have none? (Ron)

Two whales went to a bar.

The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh." The second whale said, "Greg, I think you're drunk, let's go home."

What is the difference between human rights and the Earth?

The Earth has been to be between two games a year after school, a time and fun game that has.

What do you call a closet with two lesbians inside?

A liquor cabinet.

What did the white baby say to his Chinese parents?

"Two wongs don’t make a white."

The phrase “Muslim women live in one of the hottest countries in the world and they can’t even expose their legs” has two meanings.

"I’m coming for you two!"

Why were the UK and the USA bad at chess?

Because they lost their queen and two towers.

Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?

They already lost two towers.

I told a disabled kid to get in my van. Well, it’s been two years, and he still hasn’t gotten into the van.

What do you call an Indian eating cows? Mooove to jail.

I hate two-faced people because I don’t know which face to slap first. :)

Yo mamma so dumb, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

A woman asked Stephen Hawking to dance, and he replied, "I'm not much good, I have two left feet."

"Then how about Karaoke?"

To which he replied, "I have two left throats."

I have two balls. Gay people have 23456789.

A twin engine has two engines.

If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.