One day a woman met with a man behind an abandoned shop. The man asked for some crack The woman turned around and said, 'here.' That's where the crack was. you guessed it.
The next day she wiped it clean ready for the next guest who 'wanted crack' ;)
why did Stephen hawking die? he turned off the wifi
Your mom is so ugly that even Medusa turned to stone from looking at it
Your hairline so bad that it turned wonder woman in to failure man
What did the mincrater do when his Xbox turns off He raged😱
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy. They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
A bird was on a branch at school today. I turn away to talk to my friends and another bird was there when I turned around. I turn around again and the birds are having fucking sex!!!
What the fuck.
Now I've seen everything
Why do midgets have to wear a green bright jacket when crossing the road?
Because they will get turned into a pancake even more
its not funny i know
The radio is a player-it always gets turned on by lots of different people.
When you pull out but the baby's face turns blue
Did you hear about the bank robber?
Turns out he got shot by the police
And he wound up in prison
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One of them turned to the other and said "Does this taste funny to you?"
Do you want to hear a dark joke let me turn the lights off
What is a nut 🥜 that does magic? A human that can turn into a nut 🥜
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said ok class whats behind my back she said its round and red and sally said ooh ooh its an apple and the teacher noo but i like where your going with this so now teacher said it is also used to make multipule things and sally said ooh ooh its a container of paint and the teacher said again noo but i like where your going with this and the teacher said its a ball of yarn as she pulled it out from behind her back then little johnny said ok my turn he said whats in my pocket its round and it has a head and the teacher said thats enough johnny now sit down and little johnny pulled the thing out of his pocket and said its a nickle but i like where your going with this
Friend 1: *turns off lights* Friend 2: *is there with us* Me: Woah! Where did friend 2 go?!
Yo mama so disgusting, that when she took a shower, the water turned into ditchwater.
Nemo turned emo and changed his movie name to finding emo
