Turn jokes

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

*Windows turning off*

A blonde crashes an airplane.

Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?

Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.

Officer: *face palms self*

Also officer: Here's your sign.

My parents told me that when they had sex, it was absolutely shambles.

Thankfully, it turned out that they were real balls.

This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.

How to silence a black protester at a rally?

TURN OFF THE LIGHTS, TURN OFF THE LIGHTS, TURN OFF THE LIGHTS.

Yo mama so fat if she turned into food, she could solve world hunger.

What's small and can't turn around in a hallway?

A baby with a javelin in its head!

When does a dyslexic person know when they've spelt their address wrong?

When it fails to turn up.

My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.

Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.

I turned gay because my wife is too poor.

Some rules of childhood cricket:

1. Whose bat, his batting.

2. Mother called to go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.

3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle, or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.

Your eyebrows turned into little butterflies and flew away!

If blind people could play go-kart, it very quickly turns into bumper cars.

My birthday's on September 11th, I'm gonna turn the fuck up and throw a banger! Then rub my tits in birthday cake frosting!!! WOOOOOOOOO!

Don't turn the toaster sideways, worst mistake of my life.

You're so emo, the sun turned black.

"Bob it, twist it, pull it, hit it, turn it, twist it, slide it."

It turns into ligma.

Brother: What's ligma?

Big Brother: Ligma dick!

What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.

What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?

I don’t turn on a light switch.