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Snail

    • Tails: Hey, Sonic, do you need payback? Oh, you are not a fat hedgehog, you are a snail.

    Sonic: But I'm a fat snail because Dr. Eggman turned me into a snail.

    Tails: I don't trust you, fat snail.

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    • Adoption

    • A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”

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    • Food

    • When a person went to a restaurant, they died once they were in. Three people were a suspect. Two were suspected because she served the food. Turns out, it was the food!

    Turn memes

    Pizza

    • A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.

    The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."

    Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."

    So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"

    The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"

    The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"

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    • Necrophilia

    • So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

    When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

    He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

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    • Seed

    • A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"

    Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."

    "The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"

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    • Pen

    • I was in a bar in Italy. Me and a hot chick got along, so I asked her for her number. I remembered that there was a pen in my pocket, but when I searched, it was nowhere to be found. I turned back, then I saw Pessi running with it. Shame on you, Pessi, for ruining my night! 😭

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    • Year

    • I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.

    He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.

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    • Face

    • Little William punched Little Johnny in the face. Then Little Johnny says, "If you do that again, I'm gonna turn your fucking nuts into coconut juice."

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    • Sperm

    • What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?

    One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"

    The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."

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    • Giraffe

    • A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.

    After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.

    “Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.

    The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”

    Hospital

    • TRUE STORY!

    X-Ray Tech: I broke my arm and went to the hospital. The X-Ray Tech was the hottest blonde I've ever seen.

    I threw her ass down on the X-Ray table, ripped her clothes off, ripped off mine and I jumped on top of her!

    Then I put the X-ray machine on top of us, turned it on and I looked up on the X-ray monitor and I watched and saw my sperm swimming up inside her!

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