Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. They argued on what the tracks came from. One of them said, "it's a deer." The other said, "No it's a coyote." The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.
Three guys are in the woods, a really smart guy, an average guy, and a really dumb guy. They're bored, so the smart guy decides to go hunting. A little while later he comes back with a deer. The average guy asks, "How did you do that?" The really smart guy says, "I see deer tracks, I follow deer tracks, I see deer, I shoot deer." The average guy says, "I think I understand," and leaves. A little bit later he comes back with a raccoon. The really dumb guy goes *gasp*, "How did you do that!?" And the average looks at him funny and says, "Well, I see raccoon tracks, I follow raccoon tracks, I see raccoon, I shoot raccoon." The super dumb guy thinks for a second and says, "Oooohh, ok, I think I can do that..." and leaves.
Hours pass, and the guy finally returns, hurt, bloody, and horribly mangled. They run to help him. Finally, one of the guys asks him what happened. This is what he said: "I see train tracks, I follow train tracks, I see train, I shoot train. But train keep coming."
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.
What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?
They can't reach 30.
What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.
When two wheelchairs hit each other, is it a fender bender?
I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.
What do you call a plane with no wings? Sally.
There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.
It crashed in a cemetery.
They recovered 500 bodies.
Q: Why couldn't the bicycle stand up?
A: Because it was too tired!! 😴😴😴
Why did the kid drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
My ex-girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus driver's license.
What do you call an Indian plane that comes back?
A Boomerang.
Were you born on a highway? Because most accidents happen on the highway.
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.
Today was a bad day. First, my ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver.
Why didn’t the bike stand on its own?
It was too tired.
Why can’t Indian women drive?
They’re too used to riding their camels.
How does a train eat?
It goes, "chew chew."
