Transportation jokes
I'm not saying I hate you, but if you got hit by a bus, I'd be driving that bus.
What is yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
😮💨 KAREN
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.
What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?
The fish can swim.
How did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
Call me an escalator because I let people down.
What do you need in order to crash a train?
A bad track record.
What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive!
What's yellow but can't swim?
A bus full of children.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen! Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and angrily sits down. She says to a man next to her “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."
I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"
Do your buses run on time?
No, they run on diesel.
I asked my midget neighbor if he wanted a lift. He told me to "Fuck off!!!" I thought, what a cheeky cunt and zipped my backpack up and walked away.