Tradition jokes
Everyone: So, wait, let me get this straight. Feminists want to cancel Father's Day because it is offensive to single mothers.
Feminists: Correct.
Everyone: Then what the f*** is the point of Mother's Day?
My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
Christmas special
Me: Can you describe Mrs. Claus in 3 words? Santa: Ho ho ho.
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
Jesus walked, so Mohammad can fly.
Deck the halls with bowels of Holly, fa la la la la, la la la la.
How do Ephippians celebrate their kids' first birthday?
Put a flower on their gravestone.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
How do Asian people name their children?
They throw a pan down the stairs.
What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.
Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
How do Chinese people get their names? Their parents throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes.
What's the one thing me and the New Year's ball have in common?
It's not gonna be the only thing falling 50 stories this New Year's.
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year.
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!
A 10 year old girl lays in her bed and excitedly waits for Santa to come. When Santa eventually comes she giggles, shivers, and orgasms.
Finally, as a special thank you, she sucks off Santa’s wet cock.
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
What did Donald Trump serve Justin Trudeau at the state dinner?
Poutine in traditional Russian dressing!
"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"
Community talk
So if y'all haven't noticed i was gone for the weekend Basically it was just like a regional convention for my Jewish youth group Basically to sum up what happened is well I started wearing this Jamaican hat-wig for funnies Kinda like fell hard for a girl (like really really fell for her) Ate shitty meals Did like this event for senior members where we did this got seat thing and i was asked which girls among the sen… Read more
btw jomoki, its a tradition to spam when nearing the end of a post.
I love being able to drink for “religious purposes” (Wine is yummy)