Tradition jokes
Why is Santa's sack always full?
Because he only comes once a year.
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
Why is Santa so fat?
He only comes once a year.
My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?
I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.
I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.
It was a touching story.
How do Ephippians celebrate their kids' first birthday?
Put a flower on their gravestone.
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
Everyone: So, wait, let me get this straight. Feminists want to cancel Father's Day because it is offensive to single mothers.
Feminists: Correct.
Everyone: Then what the f*** is the point of Mother's Day?
Christmas special
Me: Can you describe Mrs. Claus in 3 words? Santa: Ho ho ho.
Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.
How do Chinese people get their names? Their parents throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes.
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
What's the traditional food of Black Jews? - Kosher watermelon...
Why don't Chinese kids celebrate Christmas?
Because they make the toys.
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year.
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They roll a coin down the staircase and it says, "Ching chang chong..."