Tradition jokes
Why can't an orphan get married? It doesn't have its parents' blessing.
Christmas special
Me: Can you describe Mrs. Claus in 3 words? Santa: Ho ho ho.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa? Cause they make the toys.
Do you know youāre supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?
I guess thatās why Catholics invented baptism.
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!
Why is Santa's sack always full?
Because he only comes once a year.
What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?
Klaustrophobic.
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
What type of tea do you drink with the Queen of England?
Royal-tea.
I like Christmas.
Itās the holiday where an old man breaks into peopleās homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay š
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
For centuries the Catholic Church censored everything that wouldnāt fit with their teachings. You know what I call that?
"Chancel culture!"
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.