Tradition jokes
Why do orphans hate Christmas?
Father Christmas isn’t a thing.
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
Englishman: We named our son George since he was born on Saint George's Day.
Irishman: We called our daughter Valentine since she was born on Valentine's Day.
Scotsman: We named our son Pancake because he was born on Pancake Day!
Why do orphans love Christmas?
Because they build a home.
In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?
They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.
How did Santa fit down the chimney?
He buttered it.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.
How are Jews and potatoes different?
A potato keeps its skin.
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
How do Chinese people name their children?
They drop a tin can down a flight of stairs and call them the sound that's made.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
Why don't Chinese kids celebrate Christmas?
Because they make the toys.
A monk asks the priest if it's okay to kiss a nun.
The priest replies, "Just as long as you don't get in the habit!"
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
What do Christmas decorations and dead people have in common?
They both hang from a tree!
Father: "Fritz, light the Christmas tree!"
Why are Santa's balls so big?
Because he comes once a year.
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.