Enjoying Wine for Religious Purposes

cosmo

im overthinking alot

that im annoying mal talking about it

that paker hates me

his gfs sick of me

i should shut up cause no one cares

i cant keep talking

maybe i should js cut myself

parker dosne twanna talk to you

rember when he did this, its cause you werent important enough

and now he dosnet care

hes been acting diffrent

and i have to go in 10 mintues

but no one cares

cause no one will nticce if i jsut leave and dont come back

maybe i shoudlnt coe back

he dosnet wanna talk toyou

hes lying

hes gonna do what he did with ray

block you

your just like ray

im just like ray

its my fualt

shoundt have been vunruble

maybe i should really just shut up

and im now pathetic and crying

ofc i am

crying

She’s not annoyed

crying cause of my thoughts

Your going into a panic attack

im typing my thoughts it shlows them down

no im not im only been shaking for a long time

its fine

Start taking drep

because he hates you

he dosnet wanna deal with you

hats why he left the call that one day

hes lying

he dosnet wanna deal with you anymore

cause your annoyig and stupid

and now your jsut talkign and making cosmo more worried abootu you

when you jsut just be prenteidng everyhtung is fine

eveyrhting is fione

no its not

now i cant not lie

i can barley type im shaking os much

please odnt worry about me im fine

i cant breathe

but im fine

maybe i should jsut go

Yeah that’s a lie

nd never come back

my

my neck hruts i

Your going into a loop of thoughts

Your spiraling

if i dont type my thoughts they are much fater

fster

this way i slow them down

because parker hates me

and he dosnet wanna talk to me anymore

and he dosent tell me

ut hes annoyed with me

i shouldnt have texted his gf

cause his gf hates me

He said this to you?

now parker hates me

no

no one did

i said it

its alll me

It’s false

i make my life worse

and everyone elses

i really should just eave

I do want to care about you

im fine.

Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong

after this ill go to bed

and ill just sleep

loike ive been doing

Well that’s false. I will always care about you

but no one notieces ive been donig that to escpae my life and i dotn think anyone cares

and now im making you uspet cause i cant be happy

We do care

im trying not to hyprevenalite

Did you take your meds today?

...

Take them now

i usually dont take my day time meds

but i have to go in a few minutes

Idc that it’s the middle of the afternoon

Take them

They’ll help

i tookone

cause in the morning i take that one and vitam

but my night time meds i take them then go back to sleep

my heart is racing

nd i wanna throw up

The meds will help

parker is too nice to tell me he dosent wanna talk to me

he dosnet like me i can tell hes diffrent

i dont know what i did.

but i probably deserve this

You should start feeling better in a few minutes when the meds kick in

maybe its cause im upset

maybe i just

idk i wanna cut

that always helps

No

Your meds will help

i knew you were gonna say that

but please stop worrying

They’re already helping

You’re slowing down in your messages

i have to go in 5 mintues

my intetret turns off

Ik

im shaking alot

Your meds will relieve it

maybe i stop caring aboteveryn

my dad was right

im just pushing everyone away

and in the end im going to have no one

i already lost parker

but thats okay

i dont dessrve anyone

Ok?

Win some, lose some, always love

im so stressed\

Your dad is a child abuser. He has nothing right

It’ll take time

i never started over thinking to the point i statretd criyng thats not normal

Drink some water

i started hitting my head ver and over cause im fucking stupid

i have to go in 3 mintues

Don’t fall into your trance

why?

Because

its not that bad

i know where the pills are right now but ill forgt in the trsance

It really is that bad

most likely

Take the pill

Wair

No

my leg is shaking really fast

Don’t take any pills other than those you were prescribed

i wont i think

things dont get that bad anymore

i have to go.

You have a lot of adrenaline in you. Your body is going through too much Rn so

Drink water and take deep breaths

bye

Bue

Love you, daugher

Daughter

love you too

Stay safe

Sup

Mal also loves you

What up

Well I’ve been sick for the past week but not with Covid fortunately

Covid is an absolute nightmare

Its pretty boring, got it for the fourth time

Well on the plus side you’re very resistant to it now at least

Only the second day, the rest is just no school and being at home

Yeah, i get it like once a year

Damn

How r u?

Gotta love the Chinese labs

Whut ._.

And yes. That actually is the most likely origin

Wtf why is my test blue

Uh idk

Dang

Yeah

It looks cool tho

I’ve never seen a home test for 3 different viruses

Typically it’s just one in the us

Its 5

We got multiple

Right. I forgot about rsv as a virus. Tho I’m not familiar with adv

Yh

Well hope you feel better lmao

Tuesday was the worst day

But thx ^^

Oc

Damn. When I had Covid I threw up for the first time in like 6yrs

Maybe less

One time in six years is crazy

Actually it was like 4 yrs

Dang thats a lot

I got it like 2 yrs ago

So last time I threw up was like in 2019

I used to always get food poisoning

Never got one

It’s annoying

Corona too xd

But I only feel like I have a cold

Damn

Damn

I still got a bit of a runny nose and discolored snot

U feel better now?

It was a low fever

Yeah. It’s basically gone

Got 40° thats like 104 Grad Fahrenheit

Damn

I was like 99.4 deg f

Lemme do some mental math

Thats like 37.5 in Celsius

Yep

37,.44

Me when I got a touch of the tism

:O

Lmao

hi

Hi

What up

the sun

Up is not the sun

I'm going off in a few minutes guys

Bye Katze, good night

Gn

Good night

bye

Yerp

wassup then

Nun much

You?

I left cuz my mom came home and I couldn't talk anymore

I don't hate you just been dealing with midterms and personal stuff with my gf and her friends or ex friends

Kitty you haven't.

you don’t annoy me dear

No honey. Don't. You are seen, heard, loved. And you know that we love you because u are unique :( if you are struggling. Remember we love you. And we might not know each other too much. But trust me. Everyday above ground is better then six feet under. Life is hard but we can get through it.

No baby. You don't make anyone miserable. We love u.. I wish I can just hug u.

...

You can and you will

i cant.

i cut myself as a last resort..

That’s an escapement

Not a last resort

i just cant make that promise.. i know i wont be able to keep it

Just because you’re so scared that you might fail in something doesn’t mean you have to give up immediately

and if you do anything I'm doing it too. Because I refuse to live without a friend who understood me and was fun to talk to

no.. that wont make me stop.

and I am deeply sorry that I had to inform you that I cannot physically assist you with my own help. Unfortunately I cannot go to the location. And I would if I could.

And I don't know what to do. Please don't think of me leaving. I know what it feels like. I know my words can't help but just a bit. But know I am here. I know its hard to talk to someone about this stuff. But your strong. Keep fighting the war till you win soldier.

Charlie. We don’t want anything horrid to happen to you. You’ve gone through too much. You don’t need pain. And you don’t need to take your life to take away your pain

Rando don’t take your life ‘suicuide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, if your that depressed reach out to someone’ - that guy then killed him self after that but still

At the end of the day whatever you do is up to you these randos can only help you so much

Yall stop being so soft and be honest bruh

Bro what?

That ain’t how you help her

Ik ur trying to help

But that just ain’t shit you say

Buddy I’m not being soft.

When i talk about this shit I’m brutally honest. I don’t sugarcoat shit

we are honest, but there’s a way to be nice about it

and sometimes that’s what someone needs

besides, we’ve told her the exact same things you js said

And we won’t stop saying that we love and care about her

Because we always will

Love and care about her

I love yall sm

You being here helps, ily.

...

Youve no idea how much that means cosmo

You have no idea how much it means to me that you are alive

...

we love you sm

genuinely

Always have and always will

We love you too.

I don’t. But you gave it meaning because you know that it is true

And Charlie. You are enough for us. You don't need to be perfect. Because ib my eyes. You are the best person I have every met. I might be stopped being clean. But who gives a crap. You matter more then you know.

Exactly

No one is perfect

I’ve done things that I regret to this day. Yet still I love god and love myself

Exactly.

i care..