Tradition jokes
What do Christmas decorations and dead people have in common?
They both hang from a tree!
What does a Jew expecting guests say?
"Oy, vey, are they here yet?"
Why can’t Santa have kids?
He only cums once a year.
Your momma is so ugly that she went out as herself for Halloween.
Why can’t orphans celebrate Christmas?
Because they have no family.
Deck the halls with bowels of Holly, fa la la la la, la la la la.
Why do Catholic Irishmen in Ireland have a glory hole in the men's restroom inside their restaurants so they can give Irish kisses on Saint Patrick's Day?
Santa Claus walks up to three little girls and says, "Ho, ho, ho!"
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
How do Chinese people get their names? Their parents throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes.
Why is Santa so fat?
He only comes once a year.
Who gave Jesus his birthday presents every year?
Santa Claus!
In a deep village in Germany, an old man asked his granddaughter, "What are you doing?"
His granddaughter replies, "Removing Polish with chemicals."
Grandpa said, "When I was young, I did the same."
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
Why do orphans love Christmas?
Because they build a home.
How do Asian people name their children?
They throw a pan down the stairs.
What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
Why are Santa's balls so big?
Because he comes once a year.
Father: "Fritz, light the Christmas tree!"
How are Jews and potatoes different?
A potato keeps its skin.