"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
whats the one thing me and the new years ball have in common
its not gonna be the only thing falling 50 stories this new years
Every wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?
The made the toys
Why was baptism invented. How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys.
Why do Indians have a red dot on their head
because there recording
My Relatives Always Teased Me During Weddings saying " You'll Be Next " But they Stopped when I did the same to them during Funerals
why dont Chinese kids celebrate Christmas?
Bc They make the toys
How do you name an asian child?
Ring the doorbell.
Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids.
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
Alabama. Every time there's a family reunion a baby is born 9 months later.
why dont asian kids believe in santa clause?
because theyre the ones who made the toys
Why can't an orphan get married. It doesn't have its parents blessing.
Why dont chinese people believe in santa? Cause they mak the toys
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
what type of tea do you drink with the queen of england?
royal-tea
What’s my favorite Islamic Holiday... 9/11
Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys
