What does a Jew expecting guests say?
Oy Vey here yet?
I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.
It was a touching story.
For centuries the catholic church censored everything that wouldn‘t fit with their teachings. You know what I call that?
Chancel culture!
When Pope Pius (IX.) died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, St. Peter opened: "Who are you, what do you want?” "I am Pope Pius. I want to come to heaven.” “Where do you come from?" "Rome." "What do you mean? Rome Massachusetts or Rome New York?" "No, Rome Italy of course." "I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!"
To make sure to not erroneously deny access to an authorised person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God and asks: "Hello Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?" "What do you mean: Rome Massachusetts or Rome New York?" "No, Rome Italy of course." "No, sorry, I don’t know him."
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello Junior - here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?" "Rome Massachusetts or Rome New York?" "Rome Italy." "No sorry, never heard of."
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?" "What does he mean, Rome Massachusetts or Rome New York?" "He says Rome Italy." "No sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while he continues: "Wait, wait - tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
Y'all heard of Poptarts, eh? Well why are there no Momtarts?
Because of the PASTRYarchy!
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama? A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple kool-aid.
What did Donald Trump serve Justin Trudeau at the state dinner?
Poutine in traditional Russian dressing!
Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work? You keep the tradition of hitting black things
What's the traditional food of Black Jews? - Kosher watermelon...
The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
In a deep village in Germany old man asked his granddaughter "what are you doing?". His granddaughter replies "removing polish with chemicals". Grandpa said when I was younI did the same.
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970 and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband. She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband. He was a christian so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? the bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes it does and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? Thats not funny.
I'll tell ya whats funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
Why can't an orphan get married. It doesn't have its parents blessing.
Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys
Before you leave that marriage, remember that one inn0cent 🐐 g0at was k!lled for your traditional marriage😔☹️☹️☹️
My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookie and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple kool-aid.
