Worst Jokes Ever
How are the Twin Towers and genders similar? There used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.
I would like to complain about the new sushi restaurant at Gatwick Airport. Although there were large portions going round on the conveyor, they did taste a bit like luggage.
He's got a massive f*cking cock, Ayew, Ayew. He tucks it in his football sock, Ayew, Ayew. Shagged a bird and now she's dead, Swung his cock around her head, Jordan Ayew Palace number nine.
Who makes the best anteaters?
Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)
One day I went to smoke weed with some Mexicans, but they ran away when I asked if they had papers.
Why do orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home plate.
Why is Saturn richer than other planets?
It has a ring!
What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real Jesus?
The picture only takes one nail to hang.
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
Why can’t orphans have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy."
Husband: Honey, do you want sex?
Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.
Husband: Is that your final answer?
Wife: Mmmmm.
Husband: Are you sure?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: No doubts?
Wife: No.
Husband staring a long time at his wife.
Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.
What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?
One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.
Wanna ride a reindeer for Christmas? *rubs my antlers on you*
Why was the short person a coward? They didn't stand up to challenges.
Fat people should expect big things when they take their shirt off.
A guy goes to Starbucks and asks, "Hey, if I can make you laugh, I don’t have to pay." The girl in the window says, "Okay." The guy says, "A little boy named Timmy lost his arms." The girl says, "Oh no!" The guy says, "And his dad left him when he was 4." The girl says, "Uhh yeah." The guy says, "Okay, I guess I’ll be paying then." The girl asks, "Okay, and what name will that be under?" The guy says, "Timmy, I’m Timmy."
Actor 1: "I'm Michael with a b and I hate insects."
Actor 2: "Where's the b?"
Actor 1: "THERE'S A BEE???????????!!!!!!!!!!!????????!!!!!"
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”
From your Dad.
I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.
What did the tree wear to the pool party 🥳?
Swimming trunks.