Worst Jokes Ever

Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.

And 100% of men don’t care.

I asked for emotional support. They handed me a mirror and said, "Talk to someone who cares."

Why is 10 afraid?

Because it’s in the middle of 9/11.

Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.

How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.

Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.

So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.

Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.

What did the Indian say when he bumped into someone else?

"Sari."

Teacher: What does a pig give you?

Little Johnny: Bacon.

Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?

Little Johnny: Wool.

Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?

Little Johnny: Homework and says, "Leave, motherfucker."

Dark humor and women are very similar...

Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.

What animal do you always find at a baseball game? A bat.

Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.

Want my cookie? Come and get it... 😭

What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?

Neither do ever grow old.

Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."

What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?

A ventriloquist.

I once had a pet snake, exactly 3.14 meters.

He was a great πthon.

What did the tree wear to the pool party 🥳?

Swimming trunks.

Actor 1: "I'm Michael with a b and I hate insects."

Actor 2: "Where's the b?"

Actor 1: "THERE'S A BEE???????????!!!!!!!!!!!????????!!!!!"

Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”