Dr. Seuss died September 24, but that was a lie. Dr. Seuss, when he was 97, he stole a plane and the last rhyme he did was “up in the sky so very far he comes, Dr. Seuss allahuakbar.”
Worst Jokes Ever
When Steven Hawking realizes heaven is only a stairway away.
Did you hear about the new emo pizza? It cuts itself.
Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?
What did Donald Trump serve to Justin Trudeau at a state dinner?
Poutine with Russian dressing!
Roses are red, violets are fine, I'll be the six, you be the nine.
How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness.
If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?
The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
What is the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie? He doesn't walkie or talkie.
9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?
Because it's 90 degrees.
A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.
One man's trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.
New Teslas don't come with a new car smell; they come with an Elon Musk.
What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?
Ashtraynauts.
What do you call a creepy IT teacher?
A PDF file.
What is the favorite dish in Africa? The empty one.
What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.”
“I still don't get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!"
