Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between a mosquito and a pornstar? One stops sucking when you smack it.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
how do u make a emo kid jump? a bridge.
Are you a grave, 'cause I want you on me?
When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
I comforted my friend about his wife's death, until I found out who did it.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a Viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" she asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well, that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."
Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.
Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.
Person 2: I know how to fix that!
... Next day person commits suicide...
I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did.
Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad?
Liam: I like you both.
Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go?
Liam: I will go to paris.
Mother: That's means you like dad more.
Liam: No, its because i like paris.
Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go?
Liam: I will go to America.
Mother: Why?
Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
By rearranging the furniture.
I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.
What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree?
It left him hanging.
what's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop up an onion.
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.
Then the antidote becomes the most important.
I wasn’t staring, I was just trying to figure out if that was your hairline or the Great Wall of China.