Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?
Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."
Worst Jokes Ever
My grandfather said we rely on technology too much, so I unplugged his life support. Luckily, I remember his last words: "You little bastard!"
Don't let an extra chromosome get you down!
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
I'm not saying I hate you, but if you got hit by a bus, I'd be driving that bus.
I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.
What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"
What did Hitler and Usain Bolt have in common?
They both finished the races.
Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.
Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
What did one traffic light say to the other?
"Stop looking, I am changing."
Why cant asian parents have a white child? Cuz 2 wongs dont make a white
Chuck Norris wins a staring contest. -- Against Medusa.
6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.
What do you call a dwarf police officer?
A guinea pig.
What's the difference between a knife and my life?
A knife has a point.
When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying, I asked her where her parents were. She cried louder. That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage.
Dr. Seuss died September 24, but that was a lie. Dr. Seuss, when he was 97, he stole a plane and the last rhyme he did was “up in the sky so very far he comes, Dr. Seuss allahuakbar.”
When Steven Hawking realizes heaven is only a stairway away.
Did you hear about the new emo pizza? It cuts itself.
Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?
