Worst Jokes Ever
This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.
I wonder where the bodies are?
At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"
What is a Mexican’s favorite band?
Twenty Juan Pilots.
What does Michael Jackson and a lion have in common?
They're both predators.
Me: I got kicked out of the library the other day.
Friend: Why?
Me: Because I put the women rights book in the fiction section.
Yo mama is so fat, she has her own personal gravity.
What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?
My clothes don't hang themselves...
Michael Jackson is pure cheese.
I mean, Jacko comes on a little cracker.
If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all. Heck, cheer on the rapist, or join in the fun.
Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:
1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."
Are you electricity? 'Cause I wanna get a bath with you ;)
Why do orphans play GTA? Cause they wanna feel wanted.
Roses are red, violets are black, your mum's so fat she sold her son for 10 Big Macs.
Why are orphans good at dodgeball?
They can dodge adoptions.
My friend threw a soccer ball at a disabled kid.
We all yelled "Rocket league!"
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one asks for a glass of H2O. The second one asks for a glass of H2O, too. The second one dies. Why?
What's a paedophile's favorite footwear?
White Vans.
What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?
My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.
What do you call Juice WRLD in a coffin?
A juice box...
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.