Worst Jokes Ever

How do stars die? Usually a overdose in an airport.

My favorite planet is Saturn because it is tight next to Uranus.

What do you call an emo furry squad?

The suicide furs.

How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? More than 40 because my basement is still dark.

Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo.

Do not worry, I will be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?

I give a fuck when my computer crashes.

A depressed guy walks into a utensil store and finds a knife, but he didn't stab himself... Part 2 coming out tomorrow.

He jizzes canned cheese.

A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for winter, so now I am dead!" Haha, it is funny because the squirrel gets dead.

(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)

What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.

Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.

Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

What do you call an artist with a brown finger?

Picasshole.

My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."

What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?

"Goodnight, Mom!"

Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?

Yo mamma is so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.

It's better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.

Me and my girlfriend broke up, and I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

Why were the Twin Towers workers disappointed? Because they ordered a ham and cheese, but all they got was a plane.

Yo mama so fat that when she farted, Big Shaq took off his jacket.

If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"