"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!
Why do orphans want to become criminals? To know what it feels like to be wanted.
What is an orphan's dad's job?
A magician because he makes himself disappear.
Why can't orphans do homework? They don't have a home.
What's a penguin's favorite relative?
Aunt Arctic.
Q. Why did the orphan rob a bank?
A. To feel wanted for the first fucking time.
What is better than winning the gold medal at the Special Olympics? Having arms and legs.
I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.
How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?
What do tigers wear in the winter?
A striped sweater.
I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.
Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?
From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.
I like dick.
When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.
Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up everything.
What did the Chinese girl say when she had a white baby?
"Sum Ting Wong."
What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini.
I didn't know I raped her. I thought she wanted me to hurry up.
There's a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
What's an orphan's favorite game?
GTA, because they're actually wanted? Lol.
The teacher asked a young boy in primary school, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"
To which the boy replies, "No."
The teacher then sets his homework to learn the alphabet.
At home, the boy goes up to his mum, who is on the phone, and asks, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"
"Shut up," she replied.
The boy goes to his dad, who just won the footie match, and asks, "Can you teach me the alphabet?"
But the dad is too busy celebrating and shouting, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"
The boy goes to his big brother and asks him to teach him the alphabet.
But his brother is singing, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"
The boy goes to his sister and asks her for the alphabet.
But his sister is singing, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"
The next day the teacher asks him the alphabet.
The boy replies, "Shut up."
"Alright, I'm sending you to the principal's office right now."
The boy replies, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"
In the office, the principal says, "Who do you think you are?"
The boy replies, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"
The principal now says, "How do you think you'll get away with this?"
The boy then replies, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"
