Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?
He does not like roasted vegetables.
Worst Jokes Ever
Are you a toaster?
Because I wanna take a bath with you.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What’s a skeleton's favorite instrument?
The trom-BONE.
What is another name for a stupid fish?
"Dum bass."
How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.
What do you call a dog that tells the time?
A watchdog.
I was going to buy a watch today, but I didn't have time.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two, but now it's a sore subject.
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving; you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
So a girl says, "You're so ugly to me," and she says, "I’m the prettiest girl." I say, "Yeah, a pretty girl for an ogre 👹!"
Josh: What’s the useless piece of skin around the vagina called?
Daniel: Isn’t it the women?
Josh: Oh yes, that’s right.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
They ordered a pepperoni pizza, but only got plane.
Yo mama so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
What's the emergency number, Jimmy?
Jimmy: 9/11!
I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"
"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.
The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"
Alternative punchline:
"I had to call social services, she was only 14."
What’s the difference between a motorcycle and a mutilated body?
I don’t have a motorcycle in my garage.
What type of tea do you drink with the Queen of England?
Royal-tea.
So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."
What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a computer?
I don't know, I have both!
