Worst Jokes Ever
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!
Friend: Hey, wanna play hide and seek? Me: Sure, I've got a great spot! Me: *grabs knife and runs to my closet*
Why did little Timmy drop his ice cream cone?
He got hit by a bus.
A priest is drowning in a river. A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that God will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God said, "I sent you three f***ing boats and you didn't take them!"
Q: Why can't science be combined with religion?
A: 'Cause science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them.
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?
How did Helen Keller's mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.
Will my suicidal thoughts leave me too if I get attached to them?
Grandma: Young people your age are married by now, why aren’t you?
Me: Old people your age are dead right now, why aren’t you?
Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:
Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?
You shouldn’t bully fat people.
They already have enough on their plate.
JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.
You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?
Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"
What game did Al-Qaeda play with the Twin Towers on September 11th, 2001? Jenga.
What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.
Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.
What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.
What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.
Q: What do you call an orphan's family tree?
A: A stump.
What were the terrorists on 9/11 thinking?
"We can't go over it." "Can't go under it." "We have to go through it!"
I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...
It was impossible to put down.