Worst Jokes Ever
I wasn't going to tell another emo joke, but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.
Have you been to that paraplegic strip club? It's crawling with pussy!
Are you feeling down? Because I’d happily feel you up.
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit."
A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"
Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"
What's the difference between an orphan's parents and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.
"Give me the good news first," the patient said.
"Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live."
"That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"I've been trying to reach you for two days."
What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?
You can't wash your face in a buffalo.
Midget
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mail man.
Mailman who?
Bitch, do you want your mail?
Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.
What's the difference between an orphan and a slice of pizza?
Nothing, I eat both of them.
Forrest Gump: Who's your favorite Lord of the Rings character?
Lieutenant Dan: Legaless.
One day I'm walking and I saw Josh B. He's sucking balls and Marco jump[s], and we got [an] earthquake, and I say, "Yamate."
What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.