Worst Jokes Ever
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour?
Babies in a blender.
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.
"Give me the good news first," the patient said.
"Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live."
"That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"I've been trying to reach you for two days."
A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"
Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"
Why don't churches have WiFi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
What's the difference between an orphan's parents and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
Most people call it grave robbing...
I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.
What’s the difference between a leaf and an emo kid falling out of a tree? The leaf reaches the ground.
Why are vegetarians so good at giving head? Because they’re used to having nuts in their mouth.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.
Midget
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mail man.
Mailman who?
Bitch, do you want your mail?
Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.
What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?
You can't wash your face in a buffalo.
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit."
Forrest Gump: Who's your favorite Lord of the Rings character?
Lieutenant Dan: Legaless.
What's the difference between an orphan and a slice of pizza?
Nothing, I eat both of them.