Worst Jokes Ever
Yo mama is so stupid, she thought Instagram was a weed delivery service.
Girls: OMG what color should I use, baby blue, light blue, or navy blue?
Boys: blue is blue.
I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.
I was the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Did anyone ever notice that "STUDYING" is a mixture of studying and dying?
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home plate is.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
Why can't orphans work at SC Johnson?
Because it's a family company.
What did the right eye say to the left eye?
"Between you and me, something smells!"
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan?
The apples actually get picked.
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.
Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."
"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with him?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to the ambulancemen and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
Man A: "Is Google male or female?"
Man B: "Female, because it does not let you finish the sentence before making a suggestion."
What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?
We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.
What is a deaf person's favorite game?
Charades.
Why do they call priests "father?" Because it's too suspicious to call him "daddy!"
Yo mama so big, she thought Christopher Rhoades was a tampon.
Why were the Twin Towers annoyed?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizzas, but all they got was plain.