Worst Jokes Ever

Which planet would I consider dating?

I don’t know, but not Saturn because she’s already got a ring on her.

I hate 9/11 jokes... They always crash and burn, like, dude, it's not funny?

Are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you.

Hey guess what...

What...

My penis is big.

Just watched my friend take a steak out of her pocket. That steak was so outta pocket.

I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.

As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?

Yo mama's so fat that she used a telephone pole as a tampon.

When I was very young...

My classmates played a game called kiss chase. Some were really good at catching the girls and then kissing them.

They are rapists now.

Why did the moderator of worstjokesever.com die?

He had a heart attack because he was a fat loser.

Like if your best friend has a dog.

What's the difference between a child and a book?

One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.

What's 9 + 10?

21

I'm not suicidal, I'm just speedrunning life.

Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.

You know what really gets me under my skin when I'm down? Sharpener blades.

I broke up with my girlfriend, so I stole her wheelchair, and guess who came crawling back.

Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

An old lady in the bank told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I don't struggle with self-harm, I do it everyday.

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Depresso expresso.

JK, bleach.