Worst Jokes Ever
I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."
Anyone who says they don't like cats has never had one cooked right...
American: How do you use a PC?
Amish: We use a potato.
What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
There was a guy how had a stroke, eh.
He's all right.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows. No body, nose.
My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.
Why do leaves change color in the fall?
Because they want to leaf their old color.
A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."
Why can't you tell a joke in a corn maze?
Because there's too many ears.
What do they call me when I jack off?
Pulled pork.
How does a blonde turn the light off after sex?
She closes the car door.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They never hit home.
Why did Steven Hawkins die?
Because he got a virus.
The real reason Stephen Hawking died is because he tried to overclock his wheelchair.
A kid named Billy gets his lunch money stolen at school. The bully later gets his allowance, the lunch money, and his wallet taken by his father.
The father then gets all the money taken from him by the bully’s grandfather along with his own wallet. The grandfather then takes the money and gets it stolen by Billy along with his own wallet.
When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.
Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.
I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.
Spell "I cup..." "I see you pee!"
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!