Worst Jokes Ever

What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?

"Feet! Feet!"

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

At least one of them gets picked.

When I called the suicidal hotline in Iraq, they asked if I could drive the car.

Does an orphanage have daddy issues?

Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.

10 years ago my dad said I should eat cereal with water until he comes back with the milk... I still eat cereal with water, sadly.

Foxy the fox was a careless fox. She didn't care about her friend Froggy.

Froggy was a careful frog. One day, Froggy decided to teach the fox a lesson.

Foxy was in her bed sleeping when Froggy made her room an entire mess. She got up, and then her mother berated her for not cleaning her room. From now on, she is a careful fox.

Why is a brick always hard? Because the Indians played with it enough.

I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!

I was excited to watch Fast and Furious because of Dom Toretto, then I realized family is nothing to me 'cause I'm an orphan.

Why can't the orphans play baseball?

They have no home to run to...

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.

I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

I was born and raised in Newcastle.

My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.

Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.

Mÿ pp.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.

How do clarinet players play a song?

They reed their music.

I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."

My balls are high, just like the towers, but when something impales them, they begin to sag.

Cristiano Clapnaldo woke up FEELING DANGEROUS against Real Sociedad!

- 0 tapins! - 0 assists! - 3/3 dives! - 0 key passes! - 2 big chances missed! - 1/4 dribbles! - 2 Offsides! - 27 claps!

Better than Elanga?

The warden is stronger than the ender dragon, but WHY IS IT NOT A BOSS?

(Doesn't have boss bar.)