Worst Jokes Ever
Why does Stephen Hawking do one liners?
Because he can't do standup.
I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?
Afterbirth.
I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"
The other day my wife said, "Take me someplace I have never been before!" I said, "Why don't you try the kitchen?"
What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?
Circumference.
"Wanna hear a construction joke?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Wait, I'm still working on it!"
A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter. He approaches her and says, "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion, but I was curious to know, if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady smiles and says, "That's a lot of money, of course, I would."
The doctor smiles and says, "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady says, "What, are you joking? That's no money at all. Of course, I wouldn't. What do you think I am?"
The Doctor smiles again and says, "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."
What's the best thing about beating up orphans?
They can't tell their parents.
Papyrus: You are so lazy, Sans!
Sans: Call me what you want. I got THICK SKIN!
Papyrus: Another bad joke and I'm finished with him!!
Frisk: HAHAHA
Papyrus: We are monsters. The awfulest kind!
Sans: To mess with us takes a lot of SPINE!!!
My friend asked me to round up here 37 sheep.
I said “40.”
A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"
The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"
The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"
The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"
The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"
When it comes to recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo?
Head and Shoulders.
What's black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron!
Me and my friends were having a party the other day when some bitch came bitching about the noise. Thankfully, she was hot and had a nice ass, so it was enjoyable raping her.
The next day when I woke up, I found her body only half eaten. Her lower body was still intact, so I went for seconds to fuck off the hangover. Then I had breakfast. Her ass tasted good with some ketchup.
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.
Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.
Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.
A good bath is like a dead lover.
You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.
What was the Nazi racing tournament in 1943?
Gasar.
What does the cannibal eat who comes late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.