Worst Jokes Ever
So I was sitting at a bar, right? That fucking waitress came again, and guess what? She brought the wrong drinks again. So I send her away to get the correct drinks. And she came back again, with the wrong drinks!! Obviously, she was retarded. Anyways that's the story about how I met your mother.
Did you know that, statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile? Not me though, not me though; I live next door to a lil 10 year old boy with a FAT ASS yenno what I'm sayin'???
Why do people keep saying, "Why did the toilet paper not cross?" Because it got stuck in the crack, because it got stuck in their crack.
When Chinese babies are born, they should put "MADE FROM CHINA."
What do a "transgender" woman's favorite song and his/her last online order have in common?
~they're both a dick in a box.
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph, because he's not a full essay.
When you see a deer, what do you say?
"Oh deer!"
What's yellow and can't float?
A school bus full of children.
My stepmom kicked me out of the house because I was raped and got pregnant. I kicked her to death because she had sex and gave birth to my rapist stepbrother.
Donald Trump being president is the biggest joke.
What did the Indian cheese say to the other cheese?
"Tu cheese badi hai mast mast!"
I walked into the school for disabled kids and asked them if they knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes." Turns out they only knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Wheels, and Frame."
Why didn't anyone care about the circus?
Because it was irr-elephant.
A good bath is like a dead lover.
You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo?
Head and Shoulders.
The other day my wife said, "Take me someplace I have never been before!" I said, "Why don't you try the kitchen?"
What did Hitler tell the eye doctor?
“I can na-zi.”
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter. He approaches her and says, "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion, but I was curious to know, if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady smiles and says, "That's a lot of money, of course, I would."
The doctor smiles and says, "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady says, "What, are you joking? That's no money at all. Of course, I wouldn't. What do you think I am?"
The Doctor smiles again and says, "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."
I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"