Worst Jokes Ever
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."
What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.
You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."
Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener.
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
I was hit on by President Kennedy, too bad I shot him down.
Why is the sea salty?
Because the land never waves back.
What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
Not being retarded.
Don't you just want to go on a mass murder while listening to goodbye Moonman? Oh, just me... OK.
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
A funny joke scenario.
Person 1: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.
Person 1: Because he was ugly, fat, and nobody liked him.
Why aren't koalas actual bears?
Because they don't meet the koalafications.
What do you call an Indian in a Lamborghini?
CURRY in a hurry.
Go commit Thanos finger snap.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.