Worst Jokes Ever

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."

What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?

Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head and Shoulders.

Hippity Hoppity, women are property. (sans undertale)

Where do cows go on holiday? -- Moo Zealand.

My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.

I always hit on 16, then get busted.

A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."

Roses are red, violets are blue, Fortnite is dead and so are you.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.

What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?

Ask Boeing.

What do you call a blind German? A Nazi (Not-see)!

If a woman gets raped, just walk away, don't bother. Cheer on the rapist if you want.

They believe they are equal to men, right? So they are able to fight back, right? Then prove it! My EQUALITY!

Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?

A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”

You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?

European.

Knock knock! Who's there? King Tut! King Tut who? King Tutty Fried Chicken!

What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?

There's brains all over the place.

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.

“Are you still holding the ladder?”

Why can't you tell anyone about space?

Because it's too out of this world!