Worst Jokes Ever
What do you do when an orphan takes a family photo?
A selfie.
My mom said to take out the trash bags, so I did. And the next day, my mom asked, "Where are your sisters?" I said, "In line to get crushed."
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
What was the one test Stephen Hawking couldn't pass? The beep test.
What is a tuba plus tuba? -- Fourba.
What's a child abuser's favorite song?
"Just Beat It!"
Why don't Romans find algebra interesting?
X is always 10.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
What is big, annoying, and full of blubber?
90% of America's population.
What is the one thing wrong with Asian pet stores?...
There is always a kitchen in the back.
Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?
A: An egg gets laid.
The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."
What did everyone say about the crazy unemployed homeless man?
He made no cents.
These murder jokes are just KILLING me!
Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!
Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!
Why did Mary fall off the swings?
She got hit by a refrigerator.