Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!”

Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?”

Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.

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    • I ran into a dwarf and he said: "Well, I’m not Happy."

    Then which one are you?

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    • Two skeleton brothers are talking.

    1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"

    2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"

    Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?

    The grim reaper.

    Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉

    An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.

    *A few minutes later*

    son: There.

    mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?

    son: Dad showed me before he died.

    mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*

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    • A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."

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    • What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?

    This would be much better if you were alive.

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