Worst Jokes Ever
I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone, and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I'm still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.
Why is North Korea so good at Geometry?
Because they have a supreme ruler.
Neo-Confederates all claim to be about "heritage" not "hate". Well, if your heritage consists of Kelly Clarkson, riding on siblings, and treating Donald Trump as if he's the second coming, then it really sucks to be you.
It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.
What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."
People joke about 9/11, but it's not funny. My dad died in 9/11. Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he's pushing the Earth down.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.
What is sprinkled around the Pokémon floor? Oh right. Ash's ashes.
This page could use more "butt quack" jokes.
What's the difference between a smart blonde and a dinosaur?
The dinosaur once existed.
When two wheelchairs hit each other, is it a fender bender?
Old man goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."
The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"
When I hired a Asian detective to see if my wife was cheating on me, I got this letter:
Mr. Wong - I see he, so I climb up tree. He knock on door and she let him in. She talks to him, he talks to she. He undresses she, she undresses he. She plays with he, he plays with she. I play with me, I fall out tree, I no see... No fee.
What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?
"Let us prey together."
Two gay guys, two lesbians, and two pedophiles have a race.
What is the order of finish?
1. Lesbians. Doing 69 the whole way.
2. Pedophiles. Coming in a little behind.
3. Gay guys. Still packing their shit.
what do you call a chicken who crossed the road?........suicidal.
I told my mum the refrigerator was running, so she got dressed and ran after it...
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you gotta hand it to her.