Worst Jokes Ever
If Canadians speak "English Eh?", do Americans speak "English B?"
I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.
Where do people with no legs go to have fun?
Legnoland.
Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good, so I told him so. My brother said to me, "At least I don't have to camp in order to get kills." I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills."
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
My true hero is the person who killed Hitler.
School reminds me of a penis. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
Me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying, "I like ya cut g."
How did I escape from Iraq, Iran?
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."
Q: Why did the two gate-builders start fighting?
A: Because they were fencing.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle. So I bought an iron whistle. But ironically it steel wooden lead me whistle.
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”
what was sally's role in a football game?
the football ;-;
What do chairs spend on the most?
Chair-ity.
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
The American salute starts with your hand facing flat towards the ground on your head.
The British salute starts with your hand against your head just like the American salute.
The French salute starts with your hands in the air.
The Saudi salute starts with you being bent over with a camel tongue in your ass.
I wanna die.