Worst Jokes Ever
What feature does an orphan's phone not have?
A home button.
How do you get a dishwasher to shovel snow? Give the bitch a shovel.
My friends and I were talking about this really ugly girl at our school. For some reason, she had the same name as me.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
What did the paintings name their daughter?
Palette.
Did you hear the scores of the African basketball game?
It was Eight-Nothing.
What did the Chinese family name their retarded kid? Something Wong.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
Who are the fastest readers in the world? The 9/11 terrorists went through like 78 stories in 7 seconds.
A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?
The wiener.
What is a gay person’s favorite book?
The dictionary.
I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
My mom said to take out the trash bags, so I did. And the next day, my mom asked, "Where are your sisters?" I said, "In line to get crushed."
Two husbands walk into a bar.
The first one says, "My wife is an angel."
The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.