Worst Jokes Ever
Teacher: Where's your homework?
Student: At home...
Teacher: What's it doing there?
Student: Having a better time than me.
What sort of file turns a one inch hole into a two inch hole?
A pedophile.
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.
What is Stephen Hawking best at in basketball?
dribbling.
God: “Steven, join us.”
Sees the staircase to Heaven.
Steven: “Ahh, fu-”
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand-up.
I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.
What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?
She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."
Women's rights.
What do you call a gay threesome?
A Sloppy Joe.
What do you call terrible milk?
Udder Bullshit.
What’s the best thing about 28 year olds?
There’s 20 of them.
Why did Trump decide to build the wall?
Because China built a wall and they do not have any Mexicans.
Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?
A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.
Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.