Worst Jokes Ever
Who are the fastest readers in the world? The 9/11 terrorists went through like 78 stories in 7 seconds.
A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?
The wiener.
What is a gay person’s favorite book?
The dictionary.
I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
My mom said to take out the trash bags, so I did. And the next day, my mom asked, "Where are your sisters?" I said, "In line to get crushed."
Two husbands walk into a bar.
The first one says, "My wife is an angel."
The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!
What do astronauts eat off of? A satellite dish.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.
Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she replied with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...”.
Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said Sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****,” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is, and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.
The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is, and he answered with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”
As Sam arrived at the counselor’s office, she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****,” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.
Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?
It's called "One More Thyme."
There was a kid named Buttitches, and his teacher was taking attendance. Then the teacher asked, "What is your name?" And he answered, "Buttitches." Then the teacher asked again, "What's your name?" and he replied, "Buttitches." Then a student yelled out, "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY!"
What is the difference between a snow woman and a snowman?
Snowballs.
I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.
What do you call a paralyzed turtle?
Shell shocked.
I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderwear.
what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?
sue the dating site for matching her with him.