Worst Jokes Ever
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
I tried to adopt an orphan. The card got declined harder than the child did.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?
He ate 12-year-old nuts.
What did the plane say to the tower?
"Give me a kiss."
What do orphans call family pictures?
A selfie.
The trip from your eyebrow to your hairline costs $6000.
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
Your hairline is so far back it was friends with the dinosaurs!
What movie do orphans relate to? Home Alone.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.
Everybody was kung flu dying.
It traveled as fast as lightning.
2020 was expert timing.
In fact, it was a little bit frightening.
Me dozing off while driving.
Everyone else on the passenger plane: September 11, 2001.
Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.
Women suck (GET IT?!)
Q. What's the most musical bone?
A. The trom-bone!