Worst Jokes Ever
What does Michael Jackson and Jeffery Dahmer have in common?
They both enjoy kids' company.
Why do priests play Geometry Dash? Cuz they can beat Demons.
What's the difference between WW2 kamikaze planes and 9/11?
One of the missions succeeded.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple? Apples get picked.
Why did the depressed kid cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.
Why was the math book so sad? Because it was filled with problems.
A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.
What song genre do the national anthems fit into?
Country.
A girl said to me yesterday, "I don't know why men act like they are better than women, we all know women are supreme." I was confused, so I asked her how, and she told me, "Well, us women have a pussy, ass, and tits, while guys only have a penis. Women have 3 things while guys only have 1. Women are obviously supreme over men." I told her, "Actually, guys have more than women." "How so?" "Men have rights."
Like if your dad is abusive.
Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”
The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”
He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”
Why was the clown sad?
He broke his funny bone. PS: "funny bone" is not actually a bone.
Why did Beyoncé say, "to the left, to the left"?
Because women don't have rights.
A Chinese man moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.
He bought a home on a small piece of land.
The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.
He goes next door, but on his way up the driveway he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.
Not wanting to interrupt these "Chinese customs", he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.
Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.
Not wanting to interrupt another "Chinese custom", he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.
A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbor leading a bull down the driveway and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.
The American dude can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."
The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs."
"What do you mean," says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."
"Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me," replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bull-shit!"
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: You slap her.
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
What is the difference between a boomerang and an orphan's dad?
The boomerang comes back.
What’s the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is ten kids in one container; morbid humor is one kid in ten containers.