Worst Jokes Ever

Why do Java Programmers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.

Your hairline goes all the way back to when Burger King was a Burger Prince.

Technoblade be doing skyblock in heaven now.

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."

What's the difference between flat earthers and my grandfather? Flat earthers are more disconnected from reality than my grandfather is disconnected from his life support.

What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?

The fish can swim.

Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.

Me: Are you an orphan?

Boy: Yeah, what gave me away?

Me: ....ur parents.

I got raped by my therapist... now I know where the name comes from!

I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.

After 40 years, Kobe finally learned to pass.

Q: What's stronger than family?

A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.

What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?

A bath bomb.

Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss your teeth when you’re done eating.

This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭

Why can orphans not go on field trips? They need a parent signature.

"Wanna play the rape game?"

"No!!!!"

"That's the spirit!"

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

Yo mama so fat, I stood next to her and lost cell phone reception.