Worst Jokes Ever

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed my friend who was on LSD. "I See a Dreamer."

What instruments do skeletons like to play?

Trombones.

What does a kite and a criminal have in common?

They both get high.

What's the difference between a guy and a woman? They fall from different heights.

My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.

She's not the only one who can play that game.

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.

Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?

Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.

Store owner: But still, why?

Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.

Store owner: Oh, I get it now!

Get shanked with a lamb shank with a stinky pampa in the tolpan.

I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.

Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the chicken coop?

Yo mama so stupid, she starved in a grocery store!

What show do orphans hate?

"American Dad."

I know I've changed my name from tj to selfish king but know it's gunna be selfishking#781.

Yo mama's cheeks are red, I don't know why.

Hey selfish king, I see you need a girlfriend ;)

Imagine everyone being hoes.

What is a kidnapper's favorite shoe?

White vans.

How does Moses brew his coffee?

He brews it.

Who is Santa's favorite singer?

Elf-is Presley.

An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.

He called them: “ASPERGER’S”