Worst Jokes Ever
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.
So she gave me a hug.
Yo mama is so ugly, her self-portraits hanged themselves.
I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.
Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."
When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.
Roses are red and violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the third one's for you.
The walking dead.
What's green and bad for your teeth?
A green brick.
What's blue and bad for your teeth?
A green brick that's painted blue after the original paint dries (it takes a little while to dry), but after it dries you can paint it and then it will be green. If the brick is green it is called a green brick as it is green (not blue anymore) and it hurts your teeth because brick is a hard material that can damage the bones in your mouth (also known as your teeth).
A man went hunting with his son and shot an animal.
The father asks the son to identify the animal he just shot, and the son answers: "Holy Cow!"
Father: "What do you mean, 'Holy Cow?'"
Son: "You shot a hole in the cow, of course!"
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't run home.
I've been drinking from a tall cup.
His teeth look like Twin Towers, Al-Qaeda blown him up.
How do you make an emo mad at you?
Cut the rope.
Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?
He's all right now.
I want some cheeseburgers just to eat. I'm talkin' ketchup. My n***a mustard on that BEAT!
Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.
The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"
Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."
The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"
Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."
Yo mama so fat that the weighing scale said, "To be continued..."
True fact: School shooters aren’t dangerous to you if you're the school shooter.
What’s 23 times 2?
A potato.
A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."
Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."
Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."