Worst Jokes Ever

Nope, should've gone to Specsavers.

Do you want to hear a building joke?

I am still working on it.

Using Pi, distract that fat kid next to you and copy his answers.

My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.

In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?

In 2006 on 6/9, there was something called communication opportunity happened. On 6/9. 69. Coincidence? I think NOT.

Well, we started off by ripping up ALL of the decking.

Abandon ship!

In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.

It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.

A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.

And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.

Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.

Are multiple choice questions too easy?

A) Yes.

And Sterling has taken a dive.

That's all for financial news, back to the football.

I am Thor.

And next year, I will be five.

I was Gandalf the Grey.

But now, after just three washes...

You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?

Guilty or not guilty?

Pineapple turnover.

Hello, I'm C-3PO. And this is my brother, WD-40.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.

They were both druids.

Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.

I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"

And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"