Worst Jokes Ever
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?
Fall Guys.
What do you call a blind German?
A Nazi (not see).
In life, some people have it harder than others.
That's why Viagra exists.
I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.
The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.
Your hairline is receding so hard, they petitioned it to change for the McDonald's logo.
Your hairline goes so far back that it has no records of it happening in history.
Your forehead is so big, explorers mistakenly thought it was Mount Everest.
Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the WiFi password, because he was having an affair with his shoulder.
Q: What do pedophiles use for allergic reactions?
A: An Epstein pen.
Kid 1: "It's a bird!"
Kid 2: "It's a plane!"
Me: "It's a terrorist!"
How do you stun a Scotsman?
Ask them to say "purple burglar alarm".
Your hairline go so far back it remember the Civil War, ugly ahh.
Q. Why did the pimp buy a journal?
A. To organize his thots.
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.
I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.