Worst Jokes Ever

My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.

What does a Jew expecting guests say?

"Oy, vey, are they here yet?"

Yo mama so fat that she was the float in the Thanksgiving Day Parade with Kermit the Frog!

What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?

VEGETABLE OIL!

My two friends came to me one day and said they had the best blowjob that they ever had from my little sister. So I ask my sister, "Is it true that you gave my friends blowjobs?" She said yes.

My sister asked me, "Do you want one?" I said yeah. My sister gave me a blowjob and wow, just like my friends, it was the best blowjob that I ever had. As an older brother, I couldn't be more prouder.

Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

What’s the LGBTQ national anthem?

"Somewhere Over the Rainbow" by Harold Arlen.

I saw a fat woman at the bus stop today, so I asked her, "When's it due?"

She replied, "I'm not fucking pregnant, you rude prick!"

I said, "I meant the bus, you fat cunt!"

The Earth used to be flat until they buried yo mama.

Your hairline goes further back than your mum's divorce.

What is the world's strongest material?

The tree that Paul Walker hit.

What do you do when you see a lady in a wheelchair?

You grab a stick and put it through the wheelchair and call her nunchucks.

Guy, your hairline was the reason Adolf Hitler said, "Let there be war!"

Roses are red, violets are bl-- oh yeah, I'm bad at jokes.

What do fish smoke? A puffer.

If I slap an orphan, what will it do, tell its parents? 🤣😂🤣😂

I don't have a joke, it's just funny reading them.

My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."

Why did the orphan have an empty bowl?

Because they already ate their supper.

Your hairline goes as far back as the cavemen. Your forehead is also as deep as the cave.