Tool jokes
What does a knife have but not my life...
A point.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Oh wait, I'm thinking of...
What's a suicidal person's favorite type of bath bomb?
A toaster.
How do you punish a blind person?
Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
Memes
How do you punish Helen Keller?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.
How do you count cows with a cowculator?
What do you call an emo with no breasts? A cutting board.
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
What do you call a flat emo kid?
A cutting board.
What's the difference between a drill and a priest?
Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"
What did the wire say to the electrician?
"Stop twisting my nuts!"
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"
What did the screw say to the screw? We sure screwed things up!
What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?
One is a tool. The other is your mom.
Why don't you use a dull pencil?
Because there's no point. 😐😑😑