Tool jokes

Why have there been so many deaths around the world?

Trees and ropes.

Why did the girl bring the ladder to school? Because she wanted to go to high school.

What does a plug do when he's horny?

He jacks off!

How do you punish a blind person?

Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.

What's a suicidal person's favorite type of bath bomb?

A toaster.

How do you punish Helen Keller?

Leave the plunger in the toilet.

What do you call an emo with no breasts? A cutting board.

How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?

She was too used to grabbing the tip.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.

How do you count cows with a cowculator?

I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"

What do you call a flat emo kid?

A cutting board.

What's the difference between a drill and a priest?

Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!

Some dude called me a tool.

So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.

Guess he was right :/

What did the wire say to the electrician?

"Stop twisting my nuts!"

What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?

Stopping it with the shovel!

I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"

What did the screw say to the screw? We sure screwed things up!

What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?

One is a tool. The other is your mom.

What type of file do you need to turn a 14 centimeter hole into a 40 centimeter hole?

A pedophile.