Tool jokes
What's a suicidal person's favorite type of bath bomb?
A toaster.
What does a knife have but not my life...
A point.
Why have there been so many deaths around the world?
Trees and ropes.
A telescope has two uses:
1. To look in space. 2. To see your hairline.
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
My latest DIY weapon:
Why did the girl bring the ladder to school? Because she wanted to go to high school.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
How do you count cows with a cowculator?
What do you call an emo with no breasts? A cutting board.
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.
I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"
What do you call a flat emo kid?
A cutting board.
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
What's the difference between a drill and a priest?
Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"
Why don't you use a dull pencil?
Because there's no point. 😐😑😑
What did the screw say to the screw? We sure screwed things up!
What type of file do you need to turn a 14 centimeter hole into a 40 centimeter hole?
A pedophile.