I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Oh wait, I'm thinking of...
Tool Jokes
The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.
What do you call an emo with no breasts? A cutting board.
How do you count cows with a cowculator?
What do you call a flat emo kid?
A cutting board.
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
What's the difference between a drill and a priest?
Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!
I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"
What did the wire say to the electrician?
"Stop twisting my nuts!"
I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
What did the screw say to the screw? We sure screwed things up!
What type of file do you need to turn a 14 centimeter hole into a 40 centimeter hole?
A pedophile.
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
What’s an emo kid's favorite wood working tool? A chop saw!
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
