How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.
I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
What's the difference between a drill and a priest?
Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!
What did the wire say to the electrician?
"Stop twisting my nuts!"
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"
What did the screw say to the screw? We sure screwed things up!
What type of file do you need to turn a 14 centimeter hole into a 40 centimeter hole
A pedophile
What vibrates and is 6 inches?
A toothbrush.
What’s an emo kid's favorite wood working tool? A chop saw!
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
What’s it called when you give an emo some rope as a present?
Murder.
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!
I knew a guy who used to sell wrenches. He was all torque.
What kind of file turns a 5mm hole into a 3cm hole?
A pedo-file.
What is the leader of the school supplies?
The ruler!
A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"
What’s the comparison of an emo and a highlighter?
You can pop their head off.
