Tool jokes
How do you punish a blind person?
Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.
What does a knife have but not my life...
A point.
Why have there been so many deaths around the world?
Trees and ropes.
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
A telescope has two uses:
1. To look in space. 2. To see your hairline.
My latest DIY weapon:
Why did the girl bring the ladder to school? Because she wanted to go to high school.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
What do you call an emo with no breasts? A cutting board.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.
How do you count cows with a cowculator?
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
What do you call a flat emo kid?
A cutting board.
What's the difference between a drill and a priest?
Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"
Why don't you use a dull pencil?
Because there's no point. 😐😑😑
What did the screw say to the screw? We sure screwed things up!
What type of file do you need to turn a 14 centimeter hole into a 40 centimeter hole?
A pedophile.