Tool jokes
What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a nail?
Answer: You can unscrew the nail.
Are you a rope? Cause I'm tryna put you around my neck 😏
Why did the girl bring the ladder to school? Because she wanted to go to high school.
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking.
What do you call a sharpened pencil? You call a sharpened pencil a sharpened pencil.
A telescope has two uses:
1. To look in space. 2. To see your hairline.
What's a suicidal person's favorite type of bath bomb?
A toaster.
A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.
They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.
How do you count cows with a cowculator?
How does a rapper clean his house?
With a LIL' SCRUB.
Why did the guy bring a rope to the party?
Because he wanted to hang out... permanently. 💀😈
What do you get when you cross a blonde chick and a garden tool?
A dumbass hoe.
What do you call a baby with red curry fried hair?
A baby using a potato peeler and a comb.
The more I light my lighter, the lighter my lighter gets, until it's too light to light.
How do you get 50 hungry kids into a box? You put a can of beans in there.
How do you get 50 hungry kids out of a box? You run past with a can opener.
The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
Why have there been so many deaths around the world?
Trees and ropes.
How do you surprise a blind man?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.