Tool

Tool jokes

Guy

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

Jesus

What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?

"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."

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  • Newborn

    What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?

    You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.

    Hammer

    You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.

    But I also think I screwed it up.

    Babe

    What's better than throwing dead babes?

    Catching them after with a pitchfork.

    Word

    I will never forget my grandpa's last words: "You still holding the ladder, son?"

    Seed

    A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"

    Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."

    "The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"

    Word

    I will never forget my grandfather's last words:

    "Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"