"We've invented the spade!"
"Oh wow, this is ground-breaking!"
Tool Jokes
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?
Why?
'Cause I’m digging that ass.
What is the worst tool to play when playing the game “Icebreaker”?
The Titanic.
What do a pimp and a farmer have in common?
They both need a hoe to stay in business.
The more I light my lighter, the lighter my lighter gets, until it's too light to light.
My new leaf blower doesn't work. It sucks.
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is just a watermelon.
A telescope has two uses:
1. To look in space. 2. To see your hairline.
Why have there been so many deaths around the world?
Trees and ropes.
What does a plug do when he's horny?
He jacks off!
Why did the girl bring the ladder to school? Because she wanted to go to high school.
How do you punish a blind person?
Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.
What's a suicidal person's favorite type of bath bomb?
A toaster.
What does a knife have but not my life...
A point.
