"We've invented the spade!"
"Oh wow, this is ground-breaking!"
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?
Why?
'Cause I’m digging that ass.
My new leaf blower doesn't work. It sucks.
What do a pimp and a farmer have in common?
They both need a hoe to stay in business.
The more I light my lighter, the lighter my lighter gets, until it's too light to light.
What is the worst tool to play when playing the game “Icebreaker”?
The Titanic.
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger.
The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.
Why did the girl bring the ladder to school? Because she wanted to go to high school.
Why have there been so many deaths around the world?
Trees and ropes.
A telescope has two uses:
1. To look in space. 2. To see your hairline.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Oh wait, I'm thinking of...
What does a knife have but not my life...
A point.
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
What does a plug do when he's horny?
He jacks off!
