Tool jokes
What’s an emo kid's favorite wood working tool? A chop saw!
A retarded kid sees a murderer chopping up his latest victim with a saw. The retarded kid yells, "Seesaw!" because he sees a saw.
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
Why was Santa happy?
Because he had 3 hoes.
If you're cleaning a vacuum, aren't you the vacuum cleaner?
What did one needle say to the other?
"You be looking sharp!"
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?
Why?
'Cause I’m digging that ass.
Q: What's the best way to carve wood?
A: Whittle by whittle.
A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"
What is a panda's favorite cooking implement?
A pan-duh.
I knew a guy who used to sell wrenches. He was all torque.
Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.
What’s it called when you give an emo some rope as a present?
Murder.
What's better than throwing dead babes?
Catching them after with a pitchfork.
Yo mama is so stupid, she thought a jigsaw meant dancing with a saw!
What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?
You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.
What do you call an emo with no breasts? A cutting board.
What’s a rapper’s favorite tool?
A mic wrench.
What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?
A headbanger.