Telescope jokes

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.

I saw it through my telescope last night.

If Uranus is so gross, why do they take HD photos of it?

Hubble just spotted something huge coming out of Uranus.

You're so fat, astronomers discovered a planet larger than Earth but smaller than Uranus.

Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?

Your hairline is so far away that even the Hubble Telescope can't see it.

A telescope has two uses:

1. To look in space. 2. To see your hairline.

How do astronomers organize a party? They planet.

Your momma's so fat, she had to take a selfie using the Hubble telescope.

What's NASA's grossest mission?

Probing Uranus.

The Stephen Hawking space telescope will be launched next year. Apparently, it will have four wheels and run off Windows 7.

Why did the rapper bring a telescope to the studio?

To see his FUTURE in the STARS.

Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"

Better call NASA and tell them there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy URANUS.