Time jokes
People are like trees...
They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝
“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”
What is the difference between a human and a human rights act and a walk home and walk walk home from home and walk walk home and a wheelchair to wheelchair and wheelchair to wheelchair for wheelchair home night time to a home was fun at home night was the day I had dinner is it fun for me I was going to be a walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home night time?
Why are there only 363 days in an orphaned year?
Because they don’t have a father's or Mother’s Day.
I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck. I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born.
“Welcome to the first day of school, here’s your homework assignment!”
Well, you know what they say, time flies when you're just a ball of anxiety and stress. :D
Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?
And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?
What time is it when you walk walk? Time to trip and fall!
What is more time-consuming than children?
Waiting for your wife to go into labor!
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
Yo mama's so old, when she was a girl, rainbows were black and white.
When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic!
This song is just like how my life is and how my girlfriend left.
- Do Re Mi- By- blackbear
Do, re, mi, fa, so
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)
Do, re, mi, fa, so
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)
Yeah, if I could go back to the day we met
I probably would just stay in bed
You run your mouth all over town
And this one goes out to the sound
Of breakin' glass on my Range Rover
Pay me back, or bitch it's over
All the presents I would send
Fuck my friends behind my shoulder
Next time, I'ma stay asleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep, oh
And you got me thinkin' lately
Bitch, you crazy
And nothing's ever good enough
I wrote a little song for ya
It go like
Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl
So fuckin' done with all the games you play
I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe
Send the X and O's on another note
I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby
So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)
If I could go back to the day we met
I probably would've stayed in bed
You wake up everyday and make me feel like I'm incompetent
Designer shoes and Xanax tabs
Compliments your make-up bag
You never had to buy yourself a drink
'Cause everybody want to tap that ass sometime
And you got me thinkin' lately
Bitch, you crazy
And nothing's ever good enough
I wrote a little song for ya
It go like
Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl
So fuckin' done with all the games you play
I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe
Send the X and O's on another note
I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby
So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)
I wrote a little song for you, it go like
Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl
So fuckin' done with all the games you play
I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe
Send the X and O's on another note
I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby
So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)
Do, re, mi, fa, so
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)
So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost
What's red and in a corner?
A baby with a razor blade.
What's green and in a corner?
The same baby three weeks later.
I am having a shit and there[sic] nothing else to read.
My dad and I were playing hide and seek. I still haven’t found him. It’s been 15 years.
Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday. 🤭
What's the difference between you and a calendar?
Calendars got dates.
In Africa, in every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."