Why does an orphan's calendar only have 362 days? Because they don't celebrate Father's Day, Mother's Day, and Valentine's Day.
Time Jokes
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Why do orphans commit crimes?
Itâs the only time theyâre ever wanted.
Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?
Because they have no Fatherâs or Motherâs Day.
How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?
Juans upon a time.
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
A feather and a depressed boy fell at the same time, which one hits the ground first?
The feather, because the rope stopped the child.
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
Whatâs the difference between a job and a wife?
The job keeps sucking after 5 years.
10 years ago my dad said I should eat cereal with water until he comes back with the milk... I still eat cereal with water, sadly.
Child: Hello, I canât find my dad.
Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?
Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.
Dad: What time do you wanna go to the dentist?
Daughter: *tooth hurty*
Dad: All right.
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.
What was Hitler's favorite thing to do to pass the time?
Smoking.
Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?
What?
A nail gun!
Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.
Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"
Hi, I love you. You know I do. What a good night of a good time and time to go, oooo!
What time is it when you get a chance to take a car and drive all over?
Time to get in trouble!
