Time jokes
I'm afraid for my gay calendar. Its days are numbered!
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Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?
Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.
What month has 28 days?
Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
real
Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don’t have mothers and Father’s Day!
Why’s BBC called BBC?
The dude’s shlong gets bigger every time he says n-
What’s the difference between a dog and parents?
If an orphan calls their name, only the dog comes back.
Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?
Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.
Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?
Friend: What?
Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.
POV: 11:07 PM At night, reading these when you notice that, like everyone else, you have no life.
One time I tried running to home, but I forgot I don't have one, so I stayed at third.
Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"
"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don’t have a “mother’s” or “father’s” day!
My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.