Time jokes
What was Hitler's favorite thing to do to pass the time?
Smoking.
Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?
What?
A nail gun!
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
My uncles like the moon.
He comes out at night.
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
Why does an orphan's calendar only have 362 days? Because they don't celebrate Father's Day, Mother's Day, and Valentine's Day.
I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"
Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
Hi, I love you. You know I do. What a good night of a good time and time to go, oooo!
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?
Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.
Why do orphans commit crimes?
It’s the only time they’re ever wanted.
Thank you so much for helping me get to 20 followers! I'm so happy, every time I look at my followers going up, it makes me so happy. I can't wait to keep posting other things on here! <3
One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.
What’s the difference between a job and a wife?
The job keeps sucking after 5 years.
Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.
Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?
Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.
10 years ago my dad said I should eat cereal with water until he comes back with the milk... I still eat cereal with water, sadly.