Time jokes
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome.
I want my first time to be special.
If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.
"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."
Your hairline goes even further back than the last time your parents said "I love you."
Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
Linda and Peter are having sex. Peter goes in and out hard then fast and then begins to taste her tits. Finally, he moves down to the vagina and eats her hard. His rouge is inside her body, lolling around. He fucks her hard again and his dick slicks up her vagina. The entire time she is moaning and begging for more.
When Linda cums on his penis she begins to lick his balls hard. Peter begins moaning too saying, "Linda, you're just as amazing at fucking as your sister."
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: The 9/11 victims. They went through 20 stories in seconds.
Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."
Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."
So, my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn’t actually tell me the joke... I was the joke. 😭😭😭😔😔😔😒😒😒
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Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Every time I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.
My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"
How many times do you tickle a squid before it laughs?
TEN-TICKLES
What do you call it when a caveman does a fart?
A blast from the past!
Why did the clock out the library?
It tocked too much!
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett? Six hours.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
Old.