Time jokes
Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"
Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
Hi, I love you. You know I do. What a good night of a good time and time to go, oooo!
What time is it when you get a chance to take a car and drive all over?
Time to get in trouble!
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?
What?
A nail gun!
Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?
Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.
My uncles like the moon.
He comes out at night.
I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"
Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"
If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.
Why does an orphan's calendar only have 362 days? Because they don't celebrate Father's Day, Mother's Day, and Valentine's Day.
Thank you so much for helping me get to 20 followers! I'm so happy, every time I look at my followers going up, it makes me so happy. I can't wait to keep posting other things on here! <3
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
Why do orphans commit crimes?
It’s the only time they’re ever wanted.