Time jokes

My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?

I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."

Planes shouldn't have free Wi-Fi. Why? Because the last time they had free Wi-Fi, well here's what happened...

On September eleventh 2001, (children scream).

A special quote: “I was gonna slap that girl into tomorrow!”

Ur mama so fat she needs two watches because she's in different time zones.

What age is served for breakfast?

Gwen, let's chat at night for about 1 hour! I want to get to know each other better!

P.S., it's Jake.

I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.

This kid was crying, so I asked him where his parents were. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."

Teacher said, "You never do your homework," so I shot her 7 times with a M1 BushDid911 and replied, "It's all in my backpack, can you grade it please?"

Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.

What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.

Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.

Your mom is so slow it took her 9 months to create a joke.

Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time.

What do you call an orphan's family region?

Me time.

I jump and jump if you put bread in me too many times. What am I? A toaster.

Why do orphans only have 354 days?

'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!

If you're taking notes in history class, aren't you just rewriting history?