Time jokes
đ What is as old as the earth đ and new every month? The moon.
What would a clock look like with no numbers?
Timeless!
Roses are red, give me some limes, boy dies after masturbating 42 times.
Time heals all wounds.
Unless you have AIDS, when time kills you slowly and painfully.
We spend the weekend getting the poop out!
Memes
Once there was a boat. Its friends said,
"It's time to come back." And the boat said,
"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."
My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.
What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.
What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.
So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didnât know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, âThatâs you!â (meaning that I was an accident).
A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, âSweetie, you were an accident. We didnât mean to make you, but we still love you with everything weâve got.â
My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?
Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.
Hi guys, the prankster is back!
I was gone for a long time because of this bullying about a nice sweet girl named Gwen! So my 6th prank is on...
When I put some bad stuff in my sister's toothpaste bottle!
Okay, so I took some smelly mints from the jelly bean game! I had molded cheese jelly bean, molded milk, and worms jelly bean! Jelly bean tasting is this game where weird tasted jelly beans are in there, so I got some mints and put it there! Then next thing you knew was, my sassy ass sister had her breath smelling like a chimpanzee's buttock!
A young orphan boy goes to school for the first time. A bigger boy comes and punches him. He says, "What are you gonna do, cry to your mommy?" The boy cries.
Next morning, he wakes up and comes to school. The same thing happens, but the older boy brings his friends. This time, after he says, "You gonna tell your mom?", the little boy says, "Yes, I will tell them that there is company coming over."
A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?
Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.
Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.
When was the last time you saw yourself in the mirror?
"It's Sunday evening!"
"No. It's Monday eve."
Man, your hairline is so bad it started from the beginning of the month to the end!
What do you call an Emo in the hanging gallows?
Happy for the first time.