What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually."
little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
i had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet....
for 20 seconds...
and only once.... :(
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
two men are hunting. one asks: did you ever hunt bear? the other one answers: no, but one time i went fishing in my shorts
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
Two Italian men get on a bus...
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta sexa?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Teacher: where's you homework? Student: at home... Teacher: what's it doing there? Student: having a better time than me.
A man died and went to heaven, everytime you cheat you get a worse car, the first man cheated 5 times he got a jeep, the second man cheat 3 times he got a BMW, the third man never cheated he got a Lamborghini, the second man saw the third man sad he said "why are you sad" the third man said "I saw my wife with a scooter".
I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any ideea how much I hate playing monopoly with my dad.
Who is the only person time waits for? Nun.
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): How are you doing? Me, an autist: Pretty bad honestly. Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
