So I thought about trying to eat a clock one day. After about 13 tries, I realised this was very time consuming

What did mama cow say to baby cow? – “It’s pasture bed time.”

The only time rape jokes are okay; is when they aren’t forced.

How many times do yo tickle a squid before it laughs???


do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening

put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs

Why did the boy 👦 throw the clock 🕒 out the window?

He wanted to see time fly.

What time do you call me tomorrow

When was the only time you could see people base jump without a parachute? 2001/9/11

My favorite thing to do on my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.

one time i ate a chair.

Last time I got a piece of ass was hen my finger went through the toilet paper.

Paddys beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 yrs they have been married . The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex and a cool breeze may help . Being a bit of a cheapo , he decides not to buy a fan , but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act . After half an hour, still no sign of success so his mate suggests swapping places . ’ I’ll have a try Paddy , you waft the towel ' Paddy agrees , and after two or three minutes Paddys wife has a moment of sexual pleasure screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years . Paddy taps his mate Mick on teh shoulder and says ‘And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel’ !

A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery story. The young boy then screams to a random woman “ your an ugly bitch”. The mother grabs her son, and says “ I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look.

Do you know where time is? because it keeps flying by.

What time did the man go to the Dentist at? Tooth-hurty.

my girl is so cute when she sleeps I watch her all the time……………….tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time

A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sort of material to climb up, but the dad didn’t pay much attention. Next day the kid went to the state tower, and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dads asks his son for a second time: " Son! why are you doing this?" the son replies: “You told me to aim up high”.

What time is it when you’re kids stay home 🏡 from school? Say no more

An old lady walks into an adoption centre and the lady that runs the business says “Oh, haven’t seen you in a long time!”

Last time Kenny ate a vegetable he got banned from his mom’s nursing home.