Bedtime Jokes

POV: 11:07 PM At night reading these when you notice that like everyone else has not life like you.

I am Funny but sad. I submit jokes you'll love. Anyway...

Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared if being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"

Mom:its time for sleep.Baby:is that what you think huh.Mom:*gives baby pacifier*.Baby:nice try hobo.Mom:well ill come back later to see if hes gone asleep.*few hours later*Baby:*still awake* Mom:why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!.Baby:Lol i told you nice try haha

There once was a brother and a sister so one night it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brothers room and asks " can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared" the brother replies with " yea sure but just don't tell Mom" so the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boys penis and asks "what's that?" And the boy replies with "that's my pet snake" and the girl asks "can I pet it?" And the boy says "sure just don't tell Mom" and the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks "what happened" and the girl said "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit it's head off"


A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says "God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."

once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad so his dad said yes then he ask what is that and his dad said it a chow chow train the next day he wanted to shower with his mom so she said yes he ask again what is that and she said it was a tunnel with light the same day he wanted to sleep with them and they said yes in the middle of the night he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in

So today is my birthday today am 13 but yesterday am going to turn 10.but am not even go to school to know the number ten becuase one time at 10 pm in the morning it was so cold in in my hot room so I want outside to drive my car to drive my car. But I stopped becuase the light turn green.i was talking a bath in the front of my car out it didn’t have bin so am taking a sh$t

Joke 1# ' Knock Knock ' Whos there? ' Pastur ' Pastur who? ' Past ur bedtime '.

Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.

Joke 3# Your momas so fat when she stepped on the weigh it said, " I asked for your weigh not you phone number. "

What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? moooooooo my secret is that it's pasture bedtime, but not pasture bedtime