Bedtime jokes
Q. When is your grandfather's bedtime?
A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
How do you know when it's bedtime in the Netherlands?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
Q. When is it bedtime at Jeffrey Epstein's house? A. When the big hand touches the little hand.
Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fireplace?
'Cause he wanted to sleep like a log!
so true
How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?
Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.
How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?
Juans upon a time.
What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!
Why does Adam sleep early so his mum and stepdad can fuck on his bed?
What do you call a warrior that's going to bed?
A knight knight.
Why did the silly girl put sugar under her pillow?
She wanted to have sweet dreams. 😂
Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite, and if they do, hit them with a shoe till they're all black and blue!
When is it bedtime in the Jacksons' house?
When the big hand 🖐 meets the little 🤚.
Children in the dark make mistakes.
Mistakes in the dark make children.
Billy: "I'm so used to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long-distance relationship."
Sally: "Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall..."
Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.
The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.
The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.
In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.
Joe mama so fat, she fell on both sides of the bed.
Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"
Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."
Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"
Dad: "That isn't the remote."
*Weird background music*
Why are orphans so scared of the dark?
The dad can't check the closet for them.
Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"